Spring has sprung, but my coil's broke! lung transplant eval. etc....

So glad spring has finally made it here to the shores of Michigan! I love the cool nights and sunny days. My brain loves it but my body is not cooperating! Instead of complaining I am giving God the honor that I woke up another day, I have a great life now. Great children, a man that loves God 1st and us just about as much. I was so afraid to step out in faith and leave that venomous marriage. We both are happier for it and everyone deserves to be happy. It took me a lot of prayer and counseling to heal and figure out why I settled for a man whom never really loved me to begin with. Now I hold him up in prayer. I pray that someday he will have a good relationship with his child and let God in. I am not a religious fanatic but I do believe in heaven and I want to do what's right & live according to his word to assure that I make it there when my final breath has been exhaled. I could not serve God in that marriage because I would be ridiculed for my beliefs as he is adamant that Darwin's Theory is the explanation of creation. The funny thing is, if he would have been more supportive of my religious beliefs that has a trickle down affect and could have saved our family. God had a plan, I am lucky that Robert is in our lives, I feel more like a family now than I ever did. We have game nights, hang out and have great communication without judgement, I believe Amanda or any teen for that matters needs that. I don't care what she has to say or bring me, I would rather know, communicate and solve it together as a family. I don't want her to ever be afraid to talk to me, no matter the subject. I just would love to see their relationship mended before God see fit to take me home. I pray to at least for me to make it until she can live on her own and maybe then I won't worry so much about leaving her. I had my lung transplant evaluation it was a fail because of several factors. I'm an odd ball cf'er I am overweight, plus with my bad back I'm on pain meds, no no there. and I need to begin pulmonary rehab. Which there is none local I would have to travel about 100 miles rd trip 3 times a week. I love living in this rural town but you can't find any type of specialty service locally! Well I've been still crafting away, instead of so scrapbooking and card-making I'm into crocheting right now because it's more my speed lately. Blessing to all who still browse.

Home again tomorrow!

Well I've decided to try something a little different, I downloaded the blogger phone app. Hoping that I'll use it and blog more, we'll see. I've spent most of this year in the hospital and I'm back in this time it's been almost a straight month, I was sent home for a bit and had issues with my port and then I had a P.I.C.C. line placed and it was accidentally pulled out; as it had gotten stuck to my interior of my robe and out it came! I have an appt. for my transplant evaluation December 5th!!!So much going on, I've had appointments before but was in the hospital both times! I am still going strong in my new relationship too, it feels so wonderful to have a man that loves me. I haven't felt so loved in over 20+ yrs, that's pretty pathetic because I was married up until a few years ago. He (if you were reading my blog back then) was not very supportive, maybe with the bills but not emotional, not loving. He still is that was to this day with all those around him. He said to me I would be like my mother and die alone, but I actually have so many more ppl around me in my life than I ever was allowed to when I was in that relationship. I also am able to go to church without feeling persecuted by my beliefs. I am just feeling so blessed in my life right now. I'm actually afraid, cause everything is going so wonderfully that I am fearful that the end of my life may soon be upon me, but I was so afraid of dying before that I had forgotten how to live, that was my part of my marital demise. It's taken me so time to admit my faults and a lot of therapy to get through the hurt of it all now. I am happy we are at a place to co-parent our daughter because no matter what we will forever be linked together through her. Well, enough yapping, I am going to really try to blog more. As a matter of fact, I am thinking about getting myself a new tablet just so I can. My laptop is not running well at all!!!

Lovin' Life...

Just enjoying life so much, things have definitely turned around so drastically that I am not sure that I won't wake up. I had woke up during a surgery a few months back and I kinda wonder if I won't wake up still on the table or in ICU from a coma. I have really turned things around in my life really trying to turn my life over to God. I have prayed so hard and he is steadily blessing me. He sent me back an old flame and I am so in love it doesn't seem real. I know it can only be God! I wear O2 24/7 and a sleep apnea monitor and night and just have so many meds and so many treatments, in other wards I come with alot of baggage. I thank God for all of it! I know he is the only reason that all this is possible. We are to be married Nov. 23! I have to get busy on some invitations! I just got rid of so many scrapbooking supplies and now they would come in very handy. Gotta find a cute clip art image... I am looking forward to fall, hayrides, leaves the crisp air!!! It's my favorite season, it's kinda funny most of my card-making friends make Christmas cards and my favorite ones to make are Halloween! Happy Crafting and to those of you with CF or dealing with CF. Hope you are happy and healthy!

Life's Lessons

Life definitely throws us curve balls. I had welcomed my brother into my home after many years of addiction, a prison sentence. The prison system had an amazing rehab program and he seemed like a changed man, boy was I wrong. He signed for my mail order package while I was on a trip, now he is going back to prison. So many things began about a month ago... I have learned to listen to my inner voice, just very saddened by all of this. The old broken man came back with a vengeance. I am just happy that he is out of my home so I can go on with my life, I never let him steal my joy! I am in love and am happier than ever. I cannot believe someone would love me as I am, C.F. O2 and all, so I know God has his hand in this. I had felt so unlovable in my previous relationship that it feels like a miracle has occurred in my life. Now, the ex seems to be happier and I know I am, so it affects the most important person in our lives, our daughter!

Life's not over with yet!

Wow, God never ceases to amaze me! I am feeling so alive AGAIN!!! After leaving a partner that wasn't supportive of my illness I thought I would die alone like my mom, as he told me I would, God has sent me an angel. I can only have faith and trust in the Lord that he is here for the long haul. We dated way back in like 9th grade! We were reunited about 2 yrs ago and when I saw him again my heart went pitter patter. Not thinking much of it, we still remained in contact but through social media a few calls, I had even invited him to some events with my family as he lives close to my son. I was dating someone for awhile and we spoke and he asked how my relationship was going and I told him that had ended. He asked me to date him, it has been amazing! He has a beautiful love for the Lord which is more desirable to me than most anything possible. I know God has sent him to me! This is our song! Just goes to show you no matter your circumstance, God is in control!

Twist and turns in life

Well I've spend most of this year in the hospital, my C.F. is not being friendly at all! To top it off my brother has had a lung mass, found in January and finally he was diagnosed and starts Chemo. soon after he see's a Sub specialist Oncologist. So, I'm afraid to ask, What's next God? I just have to have Faith & Hope. I don't know what else I can do. Keep us in your prayers. Feel overwhelmed.

My blog is swinging more to C. F. journey.... as I will be at my destination soon.

Well, I am kinda changing my blog so we'll see how it goes, I am hoping to be real on the subject of death and dying, living through a rough disease. My thoughts, feelings and when I am up to it maybe get a craft in there. I have always found crafting my therapy, now I am unable to walk 50ft to get all my "stuff" together and get set up, so I have not been able to get up and around as freely now :-( I have so many thank you cards I need to get out. (Old school perhaps but nonetheless.) I am going to starting making videos kinda like a video diary so that my kids will have this if they want. I just came home from the hospital yesterday and am having a hard time just getting up (from not moving around much) the new meds are not what I would like them to be either. They are so strong!!! So, the set up is, I am 47, been divorced 2 yrs apart 3. My (soon to be 16/next month) lives with me, my brother Joe stays with me. So, I have been told my fev 1 number(the volume that your lungs basically have. Should be 100%, mine is 23, I have been scheduled 2 times for the full days battery of testing to see if I can even qualify to get on "The List" Otherwise if I decide against it they said Hospice would be a good fit to help me get through the end of this comfortably. I think I have to at least try, why not? The only problem is this process should have done back when I was at abou 40% so, today I have to call and schedule it. So if you are curious, check back in from time to time, I am gonna try to use labels. Thanks more to follow.

I took a long hiatus!!

Every since they changed the format I feel lost. I have to re teach myself! I am going to try and keep my blog up again!!!

I'm back.

I haven't posted in forever cause I've been sick. Just got out of the hospital last month and just re-cooperating. I just found out that my Dr. wants to put me on the transplant list. I am scared as hell and am not 100% sure this is something I want to do, yet I feel selfish for not wanting to do it. I cannot imagine leaving my daughter or my son. My daughter is only 15 and I just am not ready to leave her. I am still trying to soak it all in. I am happy I went through my divorce and to me that was my transplant. Transplants can give you 2 yrs of great living and that I got by leaving a man that belittled me and treated me like crap. I was just happy I woke up and realized I was worth loving. I am happy that I loved myself enough to leave and in that process I pray that I taught my daughter that nobody deserves to be treated like crap! Well, I am venting and happy to just be able to talk about it. I guess I'm outta here to go to some more research!

Help send a card to a dying C.F'er.

In Kentucky, there is a brave little 9 year old boy named Dalton who has been living with Cystic Fibrosis and has grown increasingly sick and sadly expected not to live much longer. He was able to come home to be with his family, but he has one last wish. He wants to set the world record for getting the most christmas cards. The record is 35,000 and he currently is at 15,108. With YOUR help he should have no problem achieving this! Please send out a holiday card to him this year and make this little boys wish come true. Share this story on here, Facebook, twitter, etc. and get the word out. Send cards to: Dalton Dingus HC 62 Box 1249 Salyersville Ky 41465 Thank you to those of you who are sending a card...I know I am :) Make CF stand for Cure Found!