Hmmmm

Well, I have gotten my van fixed and heard, "I love you" for the 1st time in awhile. I think someone doesn't like to feel unloved. I guess it's true what they say communication is the key after a few days of this sarcasm and cruelty, I was asked what the h*** is wrong with you lately..... Well, he asked and I unloaded. It was so weird because that's not really me. The funny thing is that I don't think he really gets it. At least I got alot of raw emotion off of my chest and apparently it needed to be said and heard. I pray for this situation every day to move ahead and forward. It's just hard to be in love with someone when you don't know if they love you. It's very painful when he's still the one who makes me tingle and my heart skip a beat. I think there comes a time when you have to walk away if you are not getting the same affection back in return. Honestly I physically could not pack and move in the state I am in. I can't even go into wal-mart without an electric w/c. I cannot walk that far. I also cannot imagine living without him. My guts wretch just thinking about it. I am worried about who will care for me when I can't. See I really don't know how this is all affecting him either. He doesn't talk to me about this stuff. He won't. He won't talk with me about anything to do with my illness me dyeing or anything negative or realistic. This illness has taken it's toll on our lives. I am so afraid of it all. I just wish there was a guarantee in this life. I know there are none, I just have to keep my eyes on God and let him guide me through this life as he has all along. When doubt fills me I must remain steadfast in him. Sometimes I just forget or faulter in faith. Pray for me if you are reading this. My family is my life, I love my kids but I love my "Family"